I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
