the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
