You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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