And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
