I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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