You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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