WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
