I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
