you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
