Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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