i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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