when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
