I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
