I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
