My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
