She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
