Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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