how can u be prego again
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
