I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
