I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I'm really busy with my period
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