i just wanna soil my oats bro
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
