i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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