I could make wine with my vomit
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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