forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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