At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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