That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
