Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
