took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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