Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
