After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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