I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
