Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize