girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
