I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
