we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
