I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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