I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
