so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
