i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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