i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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