How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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