so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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