Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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