WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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