You're my little dorito
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
