Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
