He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
