Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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