Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
