I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
