i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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