I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
