Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
