It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
