It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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