I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
