where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize