My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Send help, water and tortillas.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
