Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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