Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
