My friends, they love my intelligence
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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