i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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