You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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