I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We had sex on a dog bed..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
