I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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