Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
