I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
