just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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