Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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