My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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