I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
