I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
