Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
