Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
