hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
